Thursday, February 19, 2009

Remembering Noah True

Tonight I am 10 weeks 2 days pregnant. I went to my appointment today and we were able to hear the heartbeat through the doppler!!! I was so thrilled. The doctor was impressed that we were able to hear it, saying that he generally isnt able to get it on the doppler this early.

2 pregnancies ago, this was the final day that I was pregnant with Noah. 10 weeks and 2 days. I had been spotting for nearly 2 weeks at that point. I had my last ultrasound that day. It wasnt the kind of u/s that one wants to have. There was no joking, no pictures, no talking at all. The tech turned the screen towards her and said nothing. She said nothing, because there was nothing to say.

I got a phone call that afternoon from the nurse. Bedrest and a follow up u/s that Friday to see if the baby had developed a heartbeat. I knew then it was over. I had 2 quick ultrasounds in the ER-one even the day before-and both doctors swore they could see a hb, but neither would show me the screen.

I will always remember that night. I've never begged the Lord before. I've never layed my heart at His feet quite like that before. Asking Him to cause a miracle and let your baby live is a prayer that I never imagined having to do. Coming to a point where I could place my child's life in His hands and truly trust that He holds the future and that His plan for my life and my baby's was perfect brought me to a new understanding of faith.

We 'lost' Noah on December 13, 2006 at 10weeks and 3days. Lost really isnt the word. I know exactly where he is. He is in Heaven, with my Lord. He is perfect and healthy and gets to spend eternity with God. My prayer for my children has always been that they would be full of the knowledge of the Lord and have a strong and deep faith in Him. I know my prayer was answered for Noah.

Noah means 'Rest, Comfort, Peaceful' and True reminds me that God's word is True and He give rest and comfort to the weary. Which is exactly what He did for me as He graciously mended my heart from the worst pain I had ever known. I can honestly say that, though I would never have wished my pain on my worst enemy, the closeness I felt to the Lord afterwards is an opportunity I wouldnt trade. He carried me when I couldnt stand and held me closer then He ever had before.

Thank you, Lord, for the short time I had with Noah. Thank you for allowing me to love him. Thank you for the hope I have in knowing that I will be able to stand in your embrace for all of eternity, and to know that Noah will be there too.

Arise And Be Comforted
By Christy and Nathan Knockles (Watermark)

Arise and be comforted
For the Lord, He is good to the weary
And even the young heart can tire and fall
But He knows them all
For the Lord, He will renew their strength
And they will soar on wings as eagles
And they will run and never grow weary
They will walk and not grow faint
For the Lord, He is good
Lift your eyes to the heavens
For the creator is living in you
Come surrender as you are

And know that you'll never stray too far
Let His power within you heal your heart
Lift your eyes to spacious skies
Let Him chart your way to flight
Spread your wings and fly
For the Lord, He is good


This You Tube is not them, but it is the Spirit Wing from Missouri Baptist College here in St Louis.




Beauty from Pain
Superchick

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain