Monday, November 22, 2010

Life Interrupted

I am 31 years old, mother of 3 children ages 1, 3 & 5. I have no history of breast cancer in my family. I have breastfed all three of my children. I am still breastfeeding my 14 month old. And, I have a mammogram scheduled for a week from tomorrow.

In light of the fact that my uncle is currently in his last stages of his battle against cancer, I made a recent trip to the doctor. I have 2 moles that were causing me slight concern and I wanted to make sure that I was, indeed, imagining things. I was.

The doctor looked at each mole and said they looked okay. Then asked, did I have anything else for coming in today? At first I said no. Then I remembered. Am I the only one who forgets a little ache or pain that they meant to talk to the dr about until they are sitting in the parking lot ready to go home? I didnt forget this time.

"I have a pain, very slight, very occasional. A bit of a burning, sometimes sharp, intermittent, very periodic. In my right breast. Breastfeeding doesnt seem to affect it."

"A cyst, it sounds like a cyst," She said. "So we will...wait I should do a check first."

So, I change into the darling clothing option-paper vest. Check of 'normal' breast first. Small chit chat about how impressed she is that I am still nursing...she herself had problems...etc etc...Chit chat STOP.

"Oh wait, um, uh, do you feel that?" She shows me a spot, a small but hard spot, right where it hurts. "Yes, I do feel that."

"It shouldnt feel like that."

"I'll have the nurse schedule you a mammogram and then we will do an ultrasound and then we will go from there." Short pause. "Oh well it still could be a cyst. But, well, lets just wait till we know more. We will be looking for calcifications."

"Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah fine."

So that's where I am at. The mammogram is a week from tomorrow. I was told that was the soonest I could be seen. No ultrasound scheduled at this time, not sure if there will be one or what the plan is.

To be honest, I am not terribly scared at this moment. I am hoping for the best. Still, I'm trying to be prepared for the worst. I'm not sure how well that will go. I have been scouring the web and have found that if something is wrong, things could go very quickly. So, I'm going to try my best over the next couple weeks to get things around here in as much order as possible so that if I am out of commission things *might* run smoothly.

I'm also holding my babies a little tighter. I know that odds are, its a cyst or even something less. But, my only real fear, aside from the possibility of not being able to have more children is the thought of leaving my children at such a young age. Mini Cooper, especially, is too young to remember me.

Taking it one day at a time, leaning on my Heavenly Father's strength, coveting your prayers. God Bless.

12 comments:

Jess said...

I just went through a very similar experience. Only I refused the mammogram. The only thing KNOWN to cause breast cancer is radiation. They will do your ultrasound once they have seen the lump on mammogram because the mammogram can't tell them if it is a cyst or cancer. They'll have to do the ultrasound for that. So you will go and get into a lovely fabric option gown :) and sit and wait with other women wearing the same attire. Eventually they will call you back to a room and ask you questions. Then they will do your mammogram and tell you yep you have a lump and let you again sit in the waiting room with a whole bunch of other women. Finally a doctor will be available to do the ultrasound and they will take you back for that. Then the doc will be able to tell you if you can relax or not. The good news is, cysts usually hurt, cancer usually doesn't. Not all the time but usually.
Anyway, you will be in my prayers as you go through these next few days. Trust in God. No matter what it will all be ok. And if it is the worst....well, I don't know how you feel about natural things as opposed to conventional medicine. But if you get that far and if you are interested you may want to check out a man named Mamon Wilson in TN. He does herbal surgery to remove cancer. It is a longer process. It takes about three months. My mom just did it. Amazing really. But the lump in removed and she is now feeling well. But there are other options out there. Anyway, you will be in my prayers. Even though I wasn't really scared either all the whatifs were overwhelming. I too have little ones. Just know it will be ok and no matter what God is with you and wants what is best for you!! Your sister in Christ. Jess

Annette said...

Precious Father, I pray for my dear sister. I ask that you would give her your stregnth and peace during this time. May she rest in Your loving hands, trusting that you are a faithful God who knows her completely. You already know the diagnosis and You love and care for her and her family more than she can fathom. I ask for Your healing touch and wholness for her. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

I will be thinking about you and will continue to pray!

Wilson Ramblings said...

Rely on the Lord's great promise in Jeremiah 29:11. We r praying for u

Kim said...

I'll be lifting you up.

KJ said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, especially during Thanksgiving. When I push the post comment button, I am saying a prayer for you that this isn't anything serious. Please try to enjoy your family during this holiday. Hugs to you!!

Merrie said...

Ok, I just said a prayer for you, a prayer for good results and peace for your Holiday.

ocean said...

Prayers and blessings

No Ordinary Me said...

I will be praying for you.

Kim said...

I will be thinking of you! You're right - it's almost certainly nothing. But just waiting and wondering will make this a hard week, I'm sure. Hugs. Take care of yourself. And keep holding those babies tightly. I am afraid of nothing - except losing my son, or leaving him early to grow up without knowing me.

Lindsay said...

oo I will join you in praying that it is something less. I will also pray for your nerves and that you continue to feel no anxiety toward the situation.

On a completely different note I love the picture in your header!

K-tribe said...

Will pray! I get those sharp pains too, but just thought it was normal...
I like the blog pic! That is new right??

KJ said...

No update has me worried. I just wanted to check in on you. Praying all is well.