Life Interrupted

I am 31 years old, mother of 3 children ages 1, 3 & 5. I have no history of breast cancer in my family. I have breastfed all three of my children. I am still breastfeeding my 14 month old. And, I have a mammogram scheduled for a week from tomorrow.

In light of the fact that my uncle is currently in his last stages of his battle against cancer, I made a recent trip to the doctor. I have 2 moles that were causing me slight concern and I wanted to make sure that I was, indeed, imagining things. I was.

The doctor looked at each mole and said they looked okay. Then asked, did I have anything else for coming in today? At first I said no. Then I remembered. Am I the only one who forgets a little ache or pain that they meant to talk to the dr about until they are sitting in the parking lot ready to go home? I didnt forget this time.

"I have a pain, very slight, very occasional. A bit of a burning, sometimes sharp, intermittent, very periodic. In my right breast. Breastfeeding doesnt seem to affect it."

"A cyst, it sounds like a cyst," She said. "So we will...wait I should do a check first."

So, I change into the darling clothing option-paper vest. Check of 'normal' breast first. Small chit chat about how impressed she is that I am still nursing...she herself had problems...etc etc...Chit chat STOP.

"Oh wait, um, uh, do you feel that?" She shows me a spot, a small but hard spot, right where it hurts. "Yes, I do feel that."

"It shouldnt feel like that."

"I'll have the nurse schedule you a mammogram and then we will do an ultrasound and then we will go from there." Short pause. "Oh well it still could be a cyst. But, well, lets just wait till we know more. We will be looking for calcifications."

"Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah fine."

So that's where I am at. The mammogram is a week from tomorrow. I was told that was the soonest I could be seen. No ultrasound scheduled at this time, not sure if there will be one or what the plan is.

To be honest, I am not terribly scared at this moment. I am hoping for the best. Still, I'm trying to be prepared for the worst. I'm not sure how well that will go. I have been scouring the web and have found that if something is wrong, things could go very quickly. So, I'm going to try my best over the next couple weeks to get things around here in as much order as possible so that if I am out of commission things *might* run smoothly.

I'm also holding my babies a little tighter. I know that odds are, its a cyst or even something less. But, my only real fear, aside from the possibility of not being able to have more children is the thought of leaving my children at such a young age. Mini Cooper, especially, is too young to remember me.

Taking it one day at a time, leaning on my Heavenly Father's strength, coveting your prayers. God Bless.