Upper Stories and Lower Stories

The current sermon series at our church is following a book called The Story.  If you haven't heard of it, it is essentially what I like to think of as a Children's Bible for adults :).  It doesn't have pictures or anything, but the authors have complied the major stories of the Bible, in chronological order. They took out the genealogies and minor stories, and then put them together as a chapter book-no verses or Bible books, just chapter titles.  There is also a little commentary connecting the different stories.  Certainly not the way to do an in-depth study, or build a doctrinal statement, but an awesome way to get to know the stories of the Bible.

The Story has been the focus of our sermons this year.  Each week, we have a chapter or two we are supposed to read at home, and then the pastor teaches about that chapter at church that weekend.  There are 31 chapters, so it will take us the better part of the year to get through.  It has been an awesome thing for our church, and I'm really enjoying the readings and the sermons.

One thing our pastor keeps saying over and over is that the Bible has 2 stories-the upper story, and the lower story.  As he reads the stories, he points out that the upper story is always the main story-God, sending Jesus to save us from our sins.  God, continuously being faithful to His people.  God, always having a plan that is bigger then any of the people in the Bible could understand (and us, too).  The lower story is always the muck and mayhem that the people in that story have gotten into.

The Israelites getting stuck in the desert for 40 years...lower story.  David and Bathsheba...lower story.  The Israelites getting carried off to Babylonian captivity...lower story.  And so on.  These are the challenges, and hardships, and sometimes punishments that the people in each story were going through.  But, they didn't change the Upper Story that God already knew was going to happen.  And, each part of the story pieces together to pave the way for the Upper Story.  Our pastor has been pointing out that the Upper Story is still going today and our lives are part of the story, even though we all have a bunch of lower stories.

As I sat in church last night, I began thinking that, in addition to THE Upper Story, we've all got our own-individual-upper stories.  We've also got our own lower stories.  Every decision we make, every place we go, every thing we do, every sacrifice we make, contributes to the upper story, or the lower story.

As a mom, I have so many ways I can spend the moments God has given me.  I can cook, clean, shop, organize, teach, plan, play, sleep, socialize, exercise...the list is quite long of all the things I could do.  In general, not one thing on it's very own is bad and the next good.  It is not bad for me to cook a meal from scratch, it is not bad for me to organize my closet, it is not bad for me to vacuum out my car.  In fact, all of these things are good things!  It is also not bad for me to go shopping, spend time on Facebook, or go to dinner with a friend.  It's not even bad for me to take a nap!  However...any of these things I just named-if done at the wrong time, or with the wrong attitude, CAN be a bad thing.  They can contribute to the lower story of my life instead of the upper story.

My upper story is the mission for my life-why God put me here.  From the Bible, I know he has put me here to be a light for him.  He has given me a husband and children that are MY responsibility-no one else's.  He has asked me to be a light for him to my husband and children before any other responsibilities.  So, I have to look at the choices I am making and determine if they are beneficial to my husband, my children, our family, and my challenge to be a light to them.

If I am being asked to build up my family, but instead I'm grumbling and complaining, I'm getting caught up in my lower story.  If I'm constantly doing things that take my time away from my family, I'm again getting caught up in my lower story.  The upper story is still going to continue.  God has a way of bringing us back to His plan, even if we go our own way. But, it's soo much easier if we are trying to do His will and focusing on what he has asked.

I am going to be taking a deep look into our family story.  I want to be sure that the choices I'm making are part of our upper story.  I want to be building up my children and encouraging my husband.  I also want to be an encouragement to you as you, hopefully, strive for your upper story.  I hope to write more posts in the future to do just that.

For now, I challenge you to begin looking at how you spend your time, where you put your focus, and start figuring out WHAT your upper story even is.  Are your choices pointing toward your upper story, or are they muddled somewhere bringing you down to the lower story?  It's never too late to turn things over to God and let him help you start writing an upper story.

Thank you so much for stopping by.
I hope you will come again.
God Bless,
Lisa

Impersonal Church

You know when you go to the grocery store and you come up to a person?  You look their way and they look yours, but there is this unwritten rule-or so it seems-that you quickly look away.  As if it's almost impolite to see them.  It's as if you are supposed to know they are there so that you don't accidentally run them over with your cart, or reach for the same package of bread.  You're even supposed smile-interestingly enough.  BUT, you aren't supposed to look them in the eye!

I don't know how many times I've looked at people and tried to be friendly, only to have them look away at the moment I would have said 'hello.'  Like they feel they have been caught staring and are trying to pretend they didn't.

For the record, I'm usually pushing a cart with 3 little kids in it, and have a 4th kid behind me with another cart full of groceries...so maybe they ARE staring, or feel that they are.  And, they feel that if they look at me in the eye they are confirming that they are staring.  Really, I don't know why people do this, but it happens ALL.THE.TIME.

I used to join in the part where I would divert my eyes to keep from having to greet complete strangers.  I used to think it was easier then being friendly.  But, I got tired of pretending that the people weren't real!  I would see them other places in town and wanted to be sure that I was saying hello to all the other shoppers that I came into contact with, because I didn't know if they were part of my church, part of our homeschool co-op, a distant relative...yes I live in a big small town where everyone is connected to everyone else in some way and it's better to be friendly at all times then run the risk of having to try and be a totally different person when you find out who they are.

Okay, so now that you {hopefully} understand the eye-avoidance I'm trying to explain, I want to get to my point.  Church.

We go to a big church.  Big, at least, for this area.  The church has 3 services and something like 8 campuses, so there are a lot of people.  The crazy thing, is that with all the people that go to our church, I often feel like I don't know anyone there!

Now, I want to dig deeper into that statement.  You see, I DO know lots of people that are there.  We know all the teachers of our kids by name.  I *think* they know my name, or at the very least know me as Mustang's mom or Charger's mom.  I'm okay with that, because they know my kids' names and that's the important part to me.  That, and the part where they will only release my kid to me cause they know I'm mom (and they don't have to check my parent ID sticker numbers).

I also know a ton of people who go to our church.  People from our little town that's close to us, people from our home-schooling group, and even our family. We are also part of a small group and we know the people in our small group (though in our case the word small is very applicable).

I talk to people all the time (outside of church) and find out that they attend our church.  It's really unbelievable the amount of times I find that out.  You see, with the 3 different services, we can all go to the same church, but go to different services and never see each other.  And with 5 different exit doors, you can go to the same service and not see each other.  That happened with my SIL.  Turns out that I had been praying for her to start attending church...and God had already answered that prayer!  But, she had been going to a different service-and never said anything to us about it until about 6 months later!

Now, where am I going with this?

Tonight in church, as we were singing, I was imagining how great it will be when we (as Christians) get to stand before the Lord and worship together forever.  Then, I was reminded how I was doing that right now....but I didn't KNOW any of these 500 people standing next to me praising God right now!  (Okay I DID know my husband, and 2 friends sitting with us so 497).  How on earth am I supposed to help encourage others for Christ when I don't KNOW THEIR NAME??

So, after church, I was on a mission to say hello and meet people.  Do you know what I found as I walked through the crowd towards the kid's area?  EYE DIVERSION. Yep!  Sigh.  I felt like I was in the grocery store isle!  And, this time I wasn't pushing a cart, so I know it wasn't staring.  It was down right, no one knows how to SEE EACH OTHER anymore!  It doesn't mean they don't WANT to see you, they just don't know HOW!!!

Everyone was on a mission to get their kid, kid out the door, and get to the restaurant/ball game/friend's house/home/facebook...whatever the NEXT thing was.  No one was worried about RIGHT NOW.  No one seemed to be looking around thinking...hey, these people here, these people are my FAMILY!  My brothers and sisters in Christ.  Nope, they just don't see each other.

And, you know what?!  I am just as guilty.  On the way into church, I was eye darting like the rest of them.  It was only when God opened my eyes during church that I noticed on the way out.

Now, before you think I'm ripping on my church, I am not.  I am quite sure this is not just at my church.  This is a normal human interaction in 2013.  You are not supposed to see people.  You can text them, you can email them, you can Facebook them, but you can't actually TALK to them in person.  It doesn't matter if you are at the grocery store, walking down the road, or sitting in the same room.  And, our churches are not immune to this.

I challenge you, if you go to a big church (I single out big churches because tiny churches DO seem to have the upper hand on personalization), I want to challenge you to start talking to the people around you.  Nope, you may never see them at your church again.  But, you WILL see them again in Heaven, and don't you want to be able to turn to them and say-hey, we went to the same church?  Or maybe, it will be the start of a friendship that you have been praying for-or they have.  Or, if nothing else, both of you will realize that you do go to CHURCH with other people, and that it's different then the movie theater or a concert where you sit around people and ignore they exist.

Our church pastors can preach a great sermon, our song leaders can lead us in an amazing worship time, but if we as church members just go in, sit down, listen, and leave, then we are not doing our part.  The body has to know the other parts for it to work together.  A visitor to such a large church runs a HUGE risk of feeling 10 times as lonely IN church when 500 people can't take the time to say hello as when he was all by himself outside.

We talk about getting ready for the mission field outside the church...but I believe our current mission field is INSIDE the church.  People are coming, people are hungry, people WANT to learn about God, but what they really are...is lonely.  They want to know that someone-ANYONE-knows they exist and cares.  You can take that first step for the Lord, by simply saying "hello."


So glad you stopped by.
I hope you will come again.
God Bless,
Lisa

Becoming Montessori

A little over a month ago, I started watching an amazing collection of lectures from Margaret Homfray.  They are free to watch, and are just plain lovely.  Ms. Homfray is so engaging, and I found myself wanting to watch more and more of them.  Every night, when the kids were fast asleep, I would curl up with my Kindle Fire and watch her delightful lectures.  I learned A LOT.

Ms. Homfray's lectures made me start to think.  When I decided to homeschool (and I say I because it was-and is still-my idea.  DH could go either way) I wanted to offer my children something that the schools didn't.  I had wanted to use the Montessori method in our home because I felt it was the something different that I had been looking for.

I had heard of the Montessori Method when I was first married and still in college. No kids.  Just my husband and I.  I found out that there was a training center just minutes from my home.  However, you had to have finished all four years of college and then be accepted as your Master's program.  Newly married and short on cash, I ended up in the work force and never finished my college and of course that meant no training school.

Fast forward to when I was pregnant with Mustang.  I actually stumbled upon Michael Olaf's wonderful site about Montessori and your child from the start.  I was intrigued, but didn't embrace his ideas.  I was a working mom on a budget, and his ideas seemed wonderful but so different from what I had been brought up with that I didn't put them into practice.  I just went along with the status quo and that was that.  Man I wish I would have started this journey then!!

Where am I going with this???  Not sure, lol.

After watching Ms. Homfray, I fell in love with the Montessori Method all over again.  I learned things just watching her lectures and I really want to teach those things to my own children.  I realized after watching them, however, that my attempt at Montessori in my home had really not been much Montessori.  I mean, they have been good things, and some of them are taken from a Montessori classroom, but I think I have been missing the point.  And, rather then try to explain what I have been doing wrong, I will tell you how I am planning to change things.

1.  Our environment.  Not just our school environment-but our entire home.  We own entirely too much stuff!  The Montessori Method requires a peaceful, organized, child friendly environment.  It's hard to have peaceful and organized in a household of 6, but I am determined to make it that way!  As we have more children, we have more stuff and I have less time.  I hope to teach my children to take care of their own environment, but currently there is more then I feel they can easily care for, and I don't have enough time to do it for them-and I don't WANT to do it for them.

Blogs like How We Montessori show photos of a very minimalist environment.  I've often thought about how I love the look of these spaces.  Somewhere along the line I bought the American lie that more is better.  I have become a quantity over quality shopper.  I'm tired of that thought and I really want to change the way I feel about things.  I believe that this will help our children to grow into more focused and caring individuals that value their few possessions and treat them with respect.  Plus, we should have more time to do things as we will be spending less time picking UP things. :)

2.  Montessori Materials {purchasing}.  Yes, they are expensive.  But, so are many other things in life. Just add up the amount of money spent on the toys, clothes, books, and dinner outings in your life and you may just realize that the materials are not that pricey.  The children and I each received money for Christmas.  With that money I made a large (to us) materials order.  The alternative would have likely been more toys, books, or clothes that would have been fun but we didn't really NEED.  

This brings my point 1 and point 2 together.  As I change our environment, I have been selling the things we don't need and love.  So, I was able to place another materials order yesterday.  Win win in my book :).

3.  Montessori Materials {using them}.  I actually looked at a few Montessori albums online when I made my order.  I knew that I wanted to order math materials since that is what I love most about the Montessori Method and Mustang has really wanting to learn more complicated math.  But, as I looked at the albums and my children, I realized I wanted many sensorial items, too.  So, I ordered a bit of both, things that looked fun to me.  THEN, I went about reading on how to present them.  

I stumbled upon this lovely download from Our Montessori Story in my searching.  Once I read the scope and sequence listed there (from David Gettman's book), I had a very eye opening and honestly overwhelming realization.  I had ordered the WRONG things.  Plus, I had been going about this the wrong way. 

 Montessori Primary is for children ages 2 1/2-6.  I have a 2 1/2, 4, and 6 year old.  Perfect, right?  Well, yes, BUT, Mustang is on her way out and Mini Cooper on her way in, and Mustang is actually TOO OLD to get some things the way Dr. Montessori intended.  Brown bag moment!!

I seriously lost some sleep the first night.  Thankfully, more reading and praying and thinking, has brought me to some decisions.

First off, after being told for a couple of year that I should I FINALLY took My Boy's Teacher's advice and ordered David Gettman's book.  It should be here in a few days!  Then, in my second material's order, I filled out the rest of what I needed for period one (baby steps here!).  Mini Cooper is at the very bottom of period one and Mustang and Charger will obviously speed through them, catching what they need to in the process.  I am going to continue on my math path with Mustang to move her quickly through to the golden bead material.  She knows everything along the way and needs to move forward in her math while she is interested.  I am not going to try and change her language lessons right now, either, as she is doing very well in All About Reading and First Start Reading.  

I realize that by Montessori standards, Mustang is way behind, but by public school standards she would have until about third grade to learn all the math, geography, and science that are in the Montessori Primary albums (sad I know).  So, I'm going to move forward with them.  We have done very little science and culture at all so she needs these lessons.  Hopefully, by next fall I will have a better handle on this and can start figuring how to move her to Elementary.

With Charger, Mini Cooper, and soon Explorer, I plan to stick to the scope and sequence order for introducing materials (as much as I can).  Charger has already received the presentation on the broad stair and red rods because he saw me present them to Mustang and he really wanted to try.  I think he will come back to them.

So, that's a nutshell of where we are and where I am wanting to go.  I do plan to blog a little more about my materials choices, but that's for another day.  As you can see, the posts on lessons may change a little.  We are at the beginning of a new road, but I'm VERY excited to be on it!  Wish us luck!

God Bless!!

I'm linking this up to Montessori Monday.  I know it's not full of lesson examples, but it might be helpful to others wanting to start a Montessori journey or refine the one you are on.

Of Life and Death

We just got back from an unexpected week-long trip to my parent's house. We had planned to go down Monday for an overnight stay as our last mini get-away before we start school this coming Monday. Well, as we were packing up our things, my husband got an email from his previous employer.

One of the things that my husband used to do was to run the payroll for the company. Apparently, over the weekend his replacement {a previous co-worker he considered a friend} had suddenly passed away and they were in need of his help. Thankfully, the Lord had prepared this week for us in advance as we were already packing to go to the area! We were also thankful for the unexpected financial boost of a few days in the office.

Obviously, the sudden death of his co-worker has been, at the front of my mind this week. The story behind her death has turned from sad to unbelievable when it was learned that her death was a homicide-not just a sudden death. So unbelievably sad, and so unbelievably close to home. It can indeed happen to someone you know, love, or even you.

It is a reminder of the fact that life has an end for each of us. And when that is, we do not know. His coworker was in good health, took good care of her eating habits, didnt smoke, wasnt over weight...you know 'indestructible' till at least age 70 or so by our society standards. I'm not saying that watching what you eat isnt a great way to improve the life you have been given, but it wont make you live forever.

So what if today were my last? I pray that it isnt. But if it is, what would I have wished I had done? I realize that there is ALWAYS something that will be left undone, but I have 2 things I want to make sure I do.

1-I need a Will. Yep, I am 31 years old, have 3 children and NO WILL. This is now on my to do list. Honestly, I could care less who gets my stuff. Really it's just stuff. But my kids, I care who gets my kids.

and

2-Love notes. I want to leave my kids little journals of my thoughts to my children. I plan to get a few little books and write in them from time to time. Lord willing, I'll live a long, long time and I can choose a time to give them their journals when they are older.

How about you? do you have a Will? A journal? Something else I havent thought of? I'd love to hear about them. Hug your babies just a little closer tonight, too. God Bless.

Where Do I Blog From Here?

I started my bloggy break because I was busy with life. School planning, mostly. Then, our peaches came ripe. I am simply amazed at the amount of peaches ONE tree can produce, and we have two. Then, we went to the lake with our family. Lots and lots of stuff has been going on. And not once did I think about what I wished I could write on my blog. Not. Once. I was amazed.

Normally, when something is going on at our house, there is already a blog post racing through my mind. Many things never get posted, because I simply cant type all day as then there would be nothing to post about. But, my wheels are turning most of the time. Sometime a few weeks ago, they stopped turning. It was probably on my birthday. Now that I am older, my body can do less things.

Today they turned, I guess. Somewhere in the middle of my kitchen while I grated zucchini for my first attempt at zucchini bread, I realized why I blog.

I would like to introduce you to my mission field. See the three smiling little faces on the side bar of my blog? Mustang, Charger, & Mini Cooper. They are my mission field. I am serving the Lord one little person at a time. When I wash clothes, I am ministering to my mission field. When I cook dinner, I am serving my family and serving the Lord. When I hug my children, I am showing an example of the love of God-the most amazing love of all.

I am new to the farm life, and have found it challenging to adjust to tending a garden, picking peaches, driving an hour round trip to go to the grocery store, etc. I have never been much of a homemaker and am often plagued by the thoughts that I am not good at being a wife and a mom, even though I love doing it.

Today it hit me that there is JOY in keeping my house. I LOVE the fact that there is freshly baked zucchini bread on my stove from zucchini that came out of my garden. I LOVE the fact that my children will get a healthy snack from me today. I LOVE the fact that when my kids look back on their childhood they just might remember mom peeling and freezing more peaches then they have ever seen in their life. And that makes me HAPPY!!!

It is my calling to care for my husband and my children, and Satan would love nothing more then for me to fail before I even start because I dont think I am good enough. Forget self esteem here {that's a whole nother subject}, its simply the negative thoughts of I cant so I wont try. Then my children suffer, and my mission field takes a hit.

I cant imagine I am alone. And that is why I want to blog. I want to encourage you, as a Christian, as a wife, as a mommy, as a teacher, as a friend, and as a missionary in YOUR home. I know it is hard to reach out to people in today's world, and it is so much easier to sit on your computer at 2 am when you are holding a crying baby and read. So often, asking for help makes us feel like we have failed, so it's easier to find the answers online and pretend we always knew. Sometimes, we have no one to ask anyways.

I'm not promising all the answers. Not at all. I just want to share this journey with you. I want to encourage you, and be encouraged myself. Life is so short, and the days are so few. I pray that I will spend it loving my husband, training my children, and serving the Lord. And I pray that for you as well. God Bless you :)

Netflix on Wii

I have been watching waaaaay too much TV this last week. I am generally not much of a TV watcher. I like a good movie from time to time, but I would much rather spend my free time on the internet then watching the boob tube.

We have had Netflix for years. Mostly it has been my DH's source of movies. He likes movies a lot more then I do, so he would often use his laptop and a set of head-phones to watch his various Sci-Fi and bad guy dramas. I especially liked this because I didnt have to worry about the kids being exposed to too much drama or violence at a young age.

Well, two weeks ago we found a little red disk in our mailbox. I thought nothing of it and set it on the hubby's desk. Little did I know how much I would love that little disk!!

Here's how it works. If you have a Wii and an internet connection, you just put the little red disk in the Wii. It will then access Netflix instant watcher through your Wii. It will give you a few hundred titles to choose from on their suggestions. If you want a specific title you put it in the que on your computer {its really quite easy, or I wouldnt be doing it}.

The best part is, that the little disk is no extra cost to your current Netflix contract. So, for just 8.00 a month, we have watched more movies this week then I have seen in months!! We dont go to see movies in theatres because I refuse to spend the ridiculous amounts of money they want from me, but 8.00/mo for as many as I want to see...that I can live with!

So what have we watched this week? Loads of Cailou, Bob the Builder, Veggie Tales, & Dora {okay so only the kids watched these-except the Veggie Tales}. Documentaries on how the Panama Canal, The Brooklyn Bridge, and the Transcontinental Railway were build {really just the hubster on those}. Mustang and I watched An American Tail and Where the Red Fern Grows {love!}, and I watched Kindertransport and am half way through Julie & Julia. Yesterday, we all watched Ghostbusters. And last week, we watched our first Hola Pablo {I think that's what it was called}, a GREAT resource for teaching Spanish to kids.

So, yeah, if I am missing for a couple days, it may be because I am watching the TV. Do you have any suggestions of movies I need to see? I'm a bit behind!

Happy Tuesday

I've missed a few days of blogging, but I have been online. It's been kinda nice to come on and just read other peoples blogs. No picture editing, no picture uploads, no typing (except for a few comments).

But, to not neglect my little blog (which I really do enjoy), I have a very hodgepod mesh of stuffs today.

By now, you have probably heard of the blog My Montessori Journey. If you havent, I highly recommend it! On Saturday, I got the idea to go to her blog and read it-from the start. I have been reading every single post and have gotten to July. Goodness, there is a ton of really great resources, downloads, links, and ideas all in one place. I am sure you will be hearing a LOT more from me about her in the near future as I put into practice the ideas I am currently collecting.

And on the subject of collecting, have you heard of Openoffice.org? Yes, I have indeed been living under a rock for the last few years. I guess this is by far nothing new, but it is very new to me. I have been begging the DH for Excel to make my handy lists, and he kept telling me to check out Openoffice. Course, I {stupidly} kept telling him that I had already done that. I thought I had checked it out one night a year or so ago. I have NO idea what it was that I looked at then, but I sooo wish I had found this before! Openoffice is kinda like Gimp. Its a user created software that is almost exactly like Office. It comes with a writer, spreadsheet, database, and presentation application. Oh and its free. Check it out.

So, now that I have the ability to make spreadsheets, I have about 10 of them going :). I have a list of things I want to buy for school-tools and art supplies, books we own, books I wants, ideas I have come across, menu for the week, and a price list. Yep loving my lists.

While I am recommending websites that you have probably already heard about {because I am generally the last to know} I finally found out about, and started using Google Reader. Goodness I wish I had found out about it a year ago! Google reader tracks all the blogs on your blogroll and puts them all in ONE place! You can read all 10, or in my case 147, of your favorite blogs without opening a bunch of browser windows and getting sidetracked. You can also star all your favorite posts so that you dont have to make a list-unless you, like me, LIKE making lists.

I actually have a few more things to share, but this is getting long enough, and I have groceries to buy to day-fun fun! So I'll try to post more tomorrow! God Bless :)

Farm Life Friday: The Sound of Silence

Save for a few months as a child, I have always had neighbors. I have always had a road-generally a busy one-very close to my house. The most recent home had a VERY busy road right out front. It was on the same street as the local fire department. I assume it was very helpful if you had a fire, but thankfully we never had to find out. The sirens would wail at all hours of the night, and we would sleep right through them.

If the firetrucks and ambulances weren't blaring their sirens, the local teens were filling the air with the beat of their favorite bass line. Random people would walk through our yard on their way to the corner store or the park. Talking and carrying on about their day.

There was also a road merge in front of our house. Every few months, someone would fail to notice the merge until they had plowed their car into the back of a driver who was attempting to turn onto the cross road. Just before we moved, a young girl was on her cell phone and managed to spin her car right into the neighbor's tree.

For a number of years, we had a neighbor that liked to set off fireworks. It came in very handy on the Fourth of July when you simply had to sit out in your back yard for a beautiful display of loud rockets. It was NOT so handy in May, or August, or the middle of the night in October when he found a stash of bottle rockets in his shed he had forgotten. It was a bit of a relief when he moved ;).

I knew that moving here to the farm we wouldnt have the hustle of bustle of passing cars and loud neighbors. What I didnt realize that even silence has a sound.

Once all the city noises faded away, I was surprised to find out how much noise my refrigerator, washer, drier, furnace, and even random light fixtures make. At first, I thought someone was coming up the lane, only to realize that it was the furnace preparing to kick on. There is a train in the very far distance that rumbles in the middle of the night. The first few weeks it would wake me up, and again I thought it was someone coming up the lane. Then there are the grain bins. Not just ours, but others in the neighborhood. When their fans are running they can be pretty loud. Its a soft, steady sound that is easy to sleep to.

But, then there are the sounds of nature. This winter has brought many windy storms. The wind truly does have a voice. It is low and long and fierce. It rattles the branches and they brush against the windows.

I am often awakened to the sound of coyotes howling in the night, or the sound of the Blue Jays and Cardinals chirping at each other in the morning. The neighbors dogs, which are free to run the countryside, stop by our farm to play a game of tag. The sound of cows mooing can be heard of the wind is just right.

When I go to get the mail from our box, I see no one. But, I hear the sound of snow falling to the ground, or the sound of mud squishing beneath my boots. I see the sky, trees, fields, and a bird or two flying for cover in our trees. I hear the bushes rustle as a big brown rabbit burrows in.

I hear the Lord. I see his beautiful creations and the way he has put them in motion. I see the shelters he has provided for even the tiny little birds and the quiet rabbits. I see the expansive fields, ready for planting another crop. I see the tree, grown in a perfect shape for my children to climb. I see two large Vultures circling a field for their meal. I see the tracks left behind by Deer that hide in the thicket. I am reminded that He who created these beautiful and wondrous things, loves me, cares for me, is watching over me, and He is guiding me through each day.

He wants me to hear silence. He has asked me to be still. For in the silence, in the stillness, is where I hear Him the loudest.

Tenderness

Its eleven pm and my kids are all in bed. I should be too. The sun will rise early tomorrow, and so will my kids. Earlier then I want them to.

I am tired. I have run after 3 energetic little ones all day. Well, only 2, the little one still rolls slower then I can run.

I have washed their dishes, their clothes, their sheets, their hair, and their bums. I have picked up their toys, their books, their puzzles, and their balls.

Its that time of night where, if you arent totally exhausted, your mind begins to relive the days happens and start making a list for tomorrow's to dos. This night, I am sad. I yelled a lot today. I threatened a lot today. I sent Mustang to her room more then once. Did I do anything wrong? No. Did I do things right? I really dont know.

Now I dont want to make our house sound like an episode of Super Nanny, nor do I want to sound prideful that we dont. It's just, well, I have a strong-willed 4 year old who is just like me, and an energetic instigating 2 year old who is just like his father. And I, am human.

I certainly feel it is my responsibility to teach and discipline my children, molding them into well behaved little people. I want them to know right from wrong and I want them to obey the first time.

But, I want them to know that I love them. I want them to know that I know what mercy is and that I understand what it means to need grace and forgiveness. I dont think I told them I loved them near enough today. Honestly? Maybe not at all.

I dont want my kids to see me as their friend, I really dont. But, I am the first glimpse of God my children see in their life. I am their first witness, and I am not doing my job.

Yes, discipline is part of love. Yes, feeding, clothing, cleaning, bathing, and teaching are part of love. But the first definition of love at dictionary.com is 'a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.' Tenderness. That is what I am missing.

The snow outside is falling. Another 3-6 inches is expected on top of the 4 we already had, buring the old dirty snow with clean crisp new white snow. And for me, tomorrow is another day. A chance to bury my past mistakes and start again. I am not expecting perfection in anyway, but there is hope.

My New Year's Resolution

Yep, the generic post title this first week of January 2010. I am sorry if you have come to expect something more creative from me ;).

It is indeed the beginning of a new decade. Yikes! My 3rd decade here on this earth, and not my last, Lord willing. And, with human tradition, one is supposed to compose a long list of things to do, and likely fail at, for the next 12 months of life. The list is supposed to highlight friends, family, education, weight, home, and employment goals intending to bring us one step closer to becoming the next Martha Stewart, Hillary Clinton, Angelina Jolie, or Michelle Duggar. Not necessarily in that order. We set lofty goals and by January 2nd or at least 31st, the majority of us have forgotten what our goals even were. Honestly, I am not trying to be Debbie Downer, but this is generally how New Year's Resolutions go.

So, with that in mind, I went about making my list of things I wanted to improve in my life this next year. I thought of ways to improve my marriage, ways to grow closer to my children, ways to improve the look-and shape-of my body. The books I want to read, the homeschool goals I have, the garden I want to grow (or at least dream about), the organizing I want (need) to do...the list is endless.

As I thought about and prayed about my New Year's resolution, a verse kept coming to my mind:

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 KJV

God has already promised me that if I put Him first, the rest of the things I need to do will fall into place. He will give me the wisdom to prioritize what needs to be done, and the energy to do the tasks. He will also give me a positive additude even when its hard to find one.

I read the Duggar's book '20 and Counting' this past fall, and in there I read a quote by Jim Bob Duggar. He said that "life is a race against time and the best way to use it is to serve God and others."

I pray that God will be the center of 2010 for myself and for you.

The End of a Chapter

In 2004 my man and I purchased our first real house. It took us awhile-years-to find one we could agree on. I remember the feeling of home when we opened the door. It had some quirks, and lots of storage. It was the perfect fit for us. The living room wall was already painted with the words 'As for me and my house...we will serve the Lord.'

Looking back it is neat to see God working in our lives as we lived here. A couple weeks after we moved in we visited our church for the first time. Through some people there, I got a new job close to home. My new job allowed me to be able to have time to consider having children.

In 2005, we brought home Mustang. In 2007, we brought home Charger. This year we brought home Mini Cooper. Together, we painted a nursery for Mustang, anticipating her arrival. A few years later, I painted a toy room for the kids.

In 2006, we weathered two bouts of no electricity. First, 3 hot days in July when we got to know our neighbors better. Then, 5 days in December in the middle of an ice storm, thanking God we had added a gas fireplace the year before.

We went through some times of trusting the Lord when DH was without work for months after Mustang was born. We watched God open and shut doors when we thought about moving then. We said goodbye to a baby we never knew, and planted a lilac bush in the front yard to remember. The bush has grown but never flowered.

We made so many amazing friendships. With our neighbors, through our church, and through our work. We watched people change, and grow, and move.

We got to witness our neighbors and friends come to know the Lord and become our family. We sheltered family when their home was damaged in a fire. We hosted Bible Studies and Birthday parties and holiday dinners. Many, many memories.

And now, our time here is over. Just as clearly as He orchestrated our moving in, He has opened and closed doors for us to move on. It is truely amazing to look back and know that the Lord put us here for a certain reason and purpose, and to realize that whatever that was has come to pass. I can only hope and pray that I did well and that He was glorified.

Fall Break

A week and a half ago, with the birth of my new niece, we started our fall break. We had my nephew here on and off for the following week while my niece spent some time in the NICU. She is much better now and home, so I had intended to start school back up today. But...

On Saturday the last of the pieces fell into place and I found out that our move date is 11 days away!!!!!

And so, our fall break has been extended, maybe through the beginning of the year as the holidays fall after our move. I will still be blogging once we get moved and internet hooked up. I will probably have a lot to say then!

The Last Time

My father is infamous for this line. So much so it has actually become a running joke in this family. But today, it is a true statment. Today is the 'last time' that my DH will have a full time job as an accountant. Today is the 'last time' that we will live the life we have been living for the last 3 1/2 years (what ever that is exactly). Today marks the 'last day' of our 'old life.'

Tomorrow starts a new day and a new adventure. I am very excited, but thankful for the life that we have had here at our home with our friends and with our church. Even though the big move isnt here yet, tomorrow marks the first visable step towards it.

I never intended to marry a farmer. I was hoping for a doctor, lawyer, or a politician. Funny enough, my DH never ment to BE a farmer. He majored (at least at first) in Political Science, and for his birthday one year I paid for him to take the LSAT. He ment to be a lawyer. But God had other plans. First the plan was to be an accountant, and now, a farmer.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for our little family in the fields of of the Midwest, and ask that if you think of us, that you would keep us in your prayers. I know a new job, a new house, a new baby, and lots of uncertainty in our new future, we can use all the prayers you are willing to give.

We are off to the farm for the weekend. I am looking forward to some hands on Tot School at the farm :)

A change of seasons

Well, today is the first day of fall. I love fall. The beautiful colors, the warm days with cool nights. The mums (one of my favorites). Wearing jeans and no longer exposing the world to my ghost white legs which, I find in my old age no longer tan. Pumpkins, apple cider, hay rides and using our fire place for the first time each year.

I used to not like fall. When I was a kid I loved summer, swimming everyday, staying up late, and no school. Fall ment school was back in session, snow and cold were coming, and yet another year had passed. In school you measure years in school years :)

It still reminds me that another year is coming to a close. It reminds me how blessed I am to have lived another healthy, blessed year. I have been blessed with a new little girl, and my first little girl will be 4 tomorrow.

Life has seasons too. My kids are in the spring of their life, just getting going, and budding with growth and new ideas everyday. It is fun to watch them as they change all the time and if you blink, you WILL miss it. I am in the summer of my life. Long days full of fun. Fun days go by so quickly that they are gone before you know it an autumn has begun.

My MIL and I were just discussing this last week. She said she knows she is in the autmn of life. She is in her 60's and still going strong, but life is a bit slower now. Time to reflect on the life she has lived and make sure to do the things she always planned to do. Spend time with the grandkids and travel to Italy :)

So as the season changes from summer to fall, reminding me that life is moving forward rapidly, I plan to spend as much time as I can basking in the rays of my 'summer' because before I know it autumn will be here for me, too.